Recent run write-ups – what did you miss!


Run:      1641

Pub:      The Sussex Oak, Warnham

Date:     25th May

Hares:  Fetherlite & Scud


An excursion to the south … The Sussex Oak, in the delightful village of Warnham.

Tonight we were joined by no less than 16 Horsham Bootcampers who were instantly confused by Scud’s explanation of the ‘rules’.  The on-out was a footpath from the pub carpark that led us towards the countryside but on a road at the end of which… another road! Surrounded by beautiful, far reaching views of green fields and dense woodland it was something of a surprise when we took a left turn onto…. more tarmac!

Finally the trail led us along a pleasant footpath following the edge of a field. At this point I was joined by one of the bootcampers, Jackhammer (Jacqui), and I had to confess to her that I was knackered after the earlier bootcamp session and hadn’t had time to go home for my tea so also feeling a bit peckish. “Follow me” she said, leading me off the footpath and into the woods where we found a clump of rather succulent looking mushrooms. “Are they safe to eat” I asked. “Of course they are, you can trust me I’m a BA Trolley Dolly”. So, suitably refreshed, we set off along the woodland path. After a while I couldn’t help but notice naked fairies, flitting from twig to twig in the bushes and then, in a clearing, bearded men, dressed in brightly coloured mankinis, doing a strange leaping dance. They had bells on their legs and were banging sticks together! As we splashed through luminescent emerald green pools the water droplets turned to twinkling stars, glowing moons and other sparkly things. We followed the path deeper into the woods until our progress was halted by a gathering of the strangest creatures I have ever seen. They didn’t notice us as their attention was focused on a huge, ugly, warty toad sat atop a tree stump. The toad cleared his throat to address the crowd, but, as he did so he transformed into something even more terrible and hideous. “A note for the Hares” he said! As the mists cleared I could see Scud and Fetherlite, arms linked, spilling most of their down downs.

The RA, Layby, then took over the proceedings and judged all the bootcampers to be sinners - just for turning up! To save money on down downs, Andrew (Bootcamp Supremo) ‘took one for the team’. He was joined by bluebell expert Lunchbox, who couldn’t tell the difference between a petrol and a diesel car, Bionic (something to do with a cold remedy), Loo Lops and Dan (bootcampers) who were a bit too keen – doing lots of checking etc., DJ Kate (bootcamper) who was enjoying views of faster runners and Car Wash (another bootcamper – Chris) who was running in all directions at the checks just so he could enjoy the views of the fantastic countryside.

And when I awoke the next day I realised that, yes, it must have all been a weird dream!

On OnDickKnows



Run: 1638

Date: May the 4th

Venue: Sir Douglas Haig   

Hare: Deep Throat  

Scribe: Proxy


It was a slightly chilly night a long, long time ago when the rebel forces gathered against the dark forces of the Dark Side; Bum burner a very stretched Yoda with his H2o ejector, (and later a long wand; Oooh Mrs) found it necessary to ejaculate the contents of his weapon over the incoming Rebels forces,

Then there was Chip Monk as Daft Vador; wrist switches breathing Problems the works, a very impressive effort. A couple of Princess Liars (my favourite).

A few Jedi`s with their light sabres; Bods effort was particularly non-effective as his Sabre, (notice not a light Sabre) didn't light up as his granddaughter thought it prudent to remove the batteries (a practice taught to her by her Grandfather, so his aforesaid weapon wasn't effective unless used as a phallic prod which later on he put to good use apparently) and various other dress, all in all a good show.


The Rebels left their hide out, the yet undiscovered Sir Douglas Haig and started on their way, hither and thither as the pack usually does looking for any signs of where to go. Deep throat announced that there was a nice view point if you got there while it was still light; that was a bit worrying as from where we were there wasn't a hill in sight and from where we were it was all a bit flat.

The rumour through the rebel forces concluded we might end up at the top of Box Hill or even Leith Hill. As it turned out it was more of a Mole hill than a Mountain,

and it all proceeded well. On returning whence we started from there was a particularly smug Popeye lounging against his Rebel Fighter thingy claiming he had been there for some 10 Minutes, well; His Knees are buggered and Me thought he was one of those unsavoury sorts that hang out in one of those outer space Bars, and took that with a pinch of salt.


Then it was Beer time, the very nice chap Made 2 Cum bought me an ale and delivered it to the table, (well trained and a jolly nice chap) and lots of other frivolity and banter was evident, 

Chip Monk now out of his daft gear accidentally on purpose was found flashing his wad of tenners. Chatting away with his wad hanging out of his pocket, he was completely unaware he was about to lose about 300 quid. Even the bloke with the Bentley thought he had a soul mate as he eyed him from across the bar. Easy come easy go I suppose! Next time Chippy remember to use your scissors.

The beer Choice, a bit limited, was Directors an IPA and Crappy Doombar

but all in good nick and fresh.


The Circle was called by Stonker, standing on the same table as the down down beers

and so excited about his new elevated height that he began to shake and wobble the table and spilt most of the beers, no respect for the holy water to be sure.


Deep Throat then made sure she got the thumbs up for her run by endorsing her effort

with a very nice Banana space cake which everyone agreed was brill.


Specky was the RA and told a very good joke about this newly qualified lady driver who was driving on a motorway with hundreds of cars going in the wrong direction

we all laughed and hooted.


Then it was the misbehaviour that was addressed

 Deep Throat for the well laid Trail, and Space cake

 Fetherlite for playing with Bods' malfunctioning Saber,

 Bods for being naughty with his Sabre, (the phallic thing battery less).

 Double Entry for banging his head on a headstone with his name on it.

 Little Bear for worrying about her Daffy Dildo, Ahhh and also for complaining about the Heat,

We all sang a song; they all drank their Beer; and we all f**ked of home to our rebel bases; except Bogey Man and Roaming Pussy who kept the guard of the secret rendezvous and Kipped in their space ship.


On On Proxy